It Seems Like Only Yesterday ...

An interesting title to choose for a story, don't you think? But, it got your attention, I hope. I was "inspired" to write this, thanks to the impending start to college football season (apologies go out to the schools that will not be able to play because of the devastation of Katrina). This is the time of year that I normally convince myself that the almighty blue and white, my college alma-mater, will not only be competitive, but will ultimately be in contention for a national championship ... of course, after a few weeks of games, I sadly come to the realization that Joe-pa's team is grossly overmatched.

There was a time, not too long ago, when Penn State football was routinely ranked in the top 20 (usually in the top 10) - a time when teams rued travelling to Happy Valley to play the Nittany Lions. When I was a student at the U-Park (I know, I'm sounding mighty old), Penn State would routinely walk over teams like Cincinatti, Rutgers, Syracuse, and West Virginia, before playing tougher teams like Notre Dame and USC later on in the season. It was a given that Penn State would likely start the season off 6-0 ... those were the days. We are now satisfied if PSU starts the season off 1-0. Games that used to be walk-overs are now struggles. Teams like Ohio State and Michigan - teams we used to have mighty battles with, seem to trudge over us with the greatest of ease.

However, thankfully, with every new season comes a clean slate. The 'Nits recruited very well, and some of these blue-chip freshmen may actually get significant playing time this season. My hope is that Big Blue (Penn State, the real Big Blue, not those phony Wolverines) will develop some sort of attitude or swagger. Their defense is among the best in the country ... their offense leaves a lot to be desired, and their special teams ... wait, did we have a special teams unit at all last season?

As I am a true Penn State fan, I will proudly watch my team battle on the field for every game, and I will support them win or lose. I will hopefully cheer alongside many of my PSU friends, and we will bask together in victory, and help each other through defeat (hopefully, not many of those will happen).

Give 'em hell, Joe Pa!

What I Would've Done For Love

This seems like a recurring theme, but instead of focusing on the truly important aspects of college - I'm talking about sex, alcohol, partying, and more sex - I seemed more interest in pursuing riskier, potential more painful and frustrating quests, such as scouring the campus for love. If you know me (and even if you don't), you probably already know how often I was unsuccessful at finding this "grail."

During the start of my sophomore campaign, I was introduced to a rather attractive female - we'll call her Butt (Certain of you will know why I chose this name ... and it is not what you think, Mr/Mrs. Mind in the Gutter!). For some odd reason, see genuinely seemed interested in me (probably because she was a nut case, and I attracted those like flies to dung). We began hanging out, and as luck would have it, I found out that she had a boyfriend ... however, she assured me that this small obstacle would not be an issue in the near future.

As can be expected, I was lured with the "promise" of a potentially momentus relationship with a hot girl who actually had a brain, this girl had the extra baggage of having a conscience as well. She decided that she would not cheat on her boyfriend at all, and would break things off in order to be with me ... this plan sounded great on paper, however Butt also carried procrastination as a trait. For many weeks, I would hang out with her, "encouraging" her to break up with her man in order to reach her destiny ... which, of course, was me.

As time went on, Butt began to think less of me as a romantic interest, and more of me as a friend ... which is all fine and dandy for people without penises. She had me so out-of-sorts, that I would come back to my dorm room giddy after spending 4 hours with her and getting a good-bye hug ... A FRICKIN' HUG! I finally took my friends' advice, and cut off communications with her (yes, the fact that I wasn't going to get any from her even got through my thick skull). I saw her at a keg party about 3 weeks later, and she wanted to say something to me and to talk about something, and all I said to her was, "If you want to talk to me, come back in a few hours when I'm drunk." She never did ... thankfully.

Fridays Always Rocked.....At Least Until 8:00p.m., that is.

I, like most hopelessly horny college students, enjoyed Friday nights, and the anticipation of immature Penn State drunken fun. However, I had made the unfortunate decision of getting engaged.

**note to any college students who (A) may be reading this, and (B) may be insane enough to actually be contemplating doing the same sorry-assed thing that I did, I have advice. DON'T DO IT! You'll thank me later**

This, of course, had unfortunate consequences when it came to the Penn State party scene. I had worked an "agreement" out with my fiance, in which I would be able to go out with my roommates for happy hour - generally 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. Then, I would come home and hang out with my ball-and-chain, who was not yet 21.

Friday nights were absolutely crazy in State College. Bars competed feverishly for our patronage, offering ridiculous deals to help us with our quest for intoxication. Normally, we would start off at the G-Man ... yes, a lot of the "Greeks" hung out there, and it was rather annoying, but we made do. The G-Man would start the happy hours at 4:00 p.m., and they offered 1/2 priced drinks (we knew the rules - start off with the liquor first, and then beer later).

After a good hour of guzzling Long Island Iced Teas, and Captain and Cokes, we would wander to our favorite watering hole, the Rathskeller. Many call this bar nasty, but we preffered the term "lived in look." Yes, it was a bit musty, and the bathrooms smelled more like outhouses, but this didn't keep many hot women away ... and besides, the beer was cheap - around $2.50 a pitcher. Additionally, pizza was offered at 50 cents per delicious grease-covered slice. It was heaven, I tell you!

Tragically, just when the night was starting, my time was over. I would slither back to my purgatory, and allow the hangover to slowly disappear, while I watched the end of Forrest Gump, and saw any chances of a "happy ending" slowly evaporate. Inevitably, the next morning, I would hear many stories from my roommates which started with the phrase, "Dude, you should've been there!." Ah, college!