What I Would've Done For Love

This seems like a recurring theme, but instead of focusing on the truly important aspects of college - I'm talking about sex, alcohol, partying, and more sex - I seemed more interest in pursuing riskier, potential more painful and frustrating quests, such as scouring the campus for love. If you know me (and even if you don't), you probably already know how often I was unsuccessful at finding this "grail."

During the start of my sophomore campaign, I was introduced to a rather attractive female - we'll call her Butt (Certain of you will know why I chose this name ... and it is not what you think, Mr/Mrs. Mind in the Gutter!). For some odd reason, see genuinely seemed interested in me (probably because she was a nut case, and I attracted those like flies to dung). We began hanging out, and as luck would have it, I found out that she had a boyfriend ... however, she assured me that this small obstacle would not be an issue in the near future.

As can be expected, I was lured with the "promise" of a potentially momentus relationship with a hot girl who actually had a brain, this girl had the extra baggage of having a conscience as well. She decided that she would not cheat on her boyfriend at all, and would break things off in order to be with me ... this plan sounded great on paper, however Butt also carried procrastination as a trait. For many weeks, I would hang out with her, "encouraging" her to break up with her man in order to reach her destiny ... which, of course, was me.

As time went on, Butt began to think less of me as a romantic interest, and more of me as a friend ... which is all fine and dandy for people without penises. She had me so out-of-sorts, that I would come back to my dorm room giddy after spending 4 hours with her and getting a good-bye hug ... A FRICKIN' HUG! I finally took my friends' advice, and cut off communications with her (yes, the fact that I wasn't going to get any from her even got through my thick skull). I saw her at a keg party about 3 weeks later, and she wanted to say something to me and to talk about something, and all I said to her was, "If you want to talk to me, come back in a few hours when I'm drunk." She never did ... thankfully.