"Scalpped"

I had the pleasure of meeting another one of my future college roommates during the fall semester of 1990, thanks to the Mont Alto soccer program. Scalp was a fellow defenseman that lacked overwhelming skill, much like yours truly. Scalp also had a hairline that retreated quicker than the French, a possible foreshadowing of what the author is now experiencing. It should also be noted that Scalp and the author had actually played a soccer game against one-another in high school, a game in which Scalp’s team was thoroughly embarrassed by Interboro High School, 2-0 (Shamdoggies, baby!!!!!).

Scalp seemed like a normal enough person at first, as the author got to know him on a 3-mile run as part of a soccer practice warm-up. Scalp was in excellent physical shape, as he jogged extra slowly so that he could make sure that the author didn’t dehydrate as he struggled and dry heaved with every step. Unfortunately, Scalp was not in as excellent of shape mentally. The writer thought that heavy partying in high school was the culprit, but soon realized that this was not the case.

Scalp had mentioned to the author once that his girlfriend had gotten crabs from swimming in a contaminated swimming pool, or at least that is what she said. Yours truly knew that if Scalp would believe this, Scalp would probably believe anything. On more than one occasion, the writer proved this theory to be factual, by convincing Scalp that outlandish, made-up stories, were in fact true, such as the author being close friends with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.

But for what Scalp lacked in educational motivation, he made up with his heart of gold. Scalp could be counted on to come through in the pinch, whether it was to get the next round of drinks, or to make sure Fred Green was in the house. Plus, Scalp would laugh at your jokes no matter how bad they were (again, the author has tons of proof). But most of all, he was enjoyable to be around, and threw a mean game of darts.