The Day I Met SOMF

As an incoming freshman to the greatest University on God’s green Earth (sorry, Notre Dame), I couldn’t wait to get started on my, sure to be illustrious, college career. I chose to go to Penn State Mont Alto, mainly because the thought of starting of school at a large campus such as University Park made me a bit queasy (translation - I was scared sh*tless.). And, although Penn State had a campus close to home, I wanted to get as far away from home as inexpensively possible. Now, mind you, I didn’t have anything against my parents, but I really thought that going to college whilst living at home would not provide me with the “college life” that I so eagerly anticipated…..I was probably right, as you will see in future articles.

SOMF was the first of the future roommates that I met, basically during an ice-breaking game that our ditzy, yet hot, R.A. came up with. SOMF initially seemed a lot like me – he had blonde hair, liked soccer, was majoring in engineering, and was going to Penn State Mont Alto as well. However, I would soon find out that SOMF and I had many, many differences.

My first indication of these differences was on the soccer field. SOMF and I both tried out for and made the Penn State Mont Alto soccer team. Now, before anybody gets the idea that this was a tremendous accomplishment, let me add that the Mont Alto soccer team had never, ever made the playoffs up to that point. In fact, the campus had such overwhelming faith in us, that they asked the R.H. for Mont Alto Hall to be our coach. The first words out of his mouth to our team were “I know a lot of sports…..but I don’t know anything about soccer.” We were in good hands.

The similarities that SOMF and I had on the soccer field ended at “we both like soccer.” SOMF was more of a finesse player who had developed excellent skills in the sport. Now, I could “play” soccer, but that wasn’t really my strong point. I was more of hitter, which is kind of frowned upon in soccer. Also, I was an agitator, which meant I did and said anything I could to get under everybody’s skin. If you know me personally, you know this gift comes naturally.

In addition to being a better soccer player than yours truly, SOMF also listened to music that apparently attracted more females to him than to me. Groups that SOMF really enjoyed included bands such as R.E.M., the Cure, ENYA, Echo and the Bunnymen, and Jesus Jones. Bands that I “gravitated” towards included The Rolling Stones, the Stones, The Glimmer Twins, Mick Jagger, and Keith Richards. Apparently, this wasn’t diverse enough for the fairer sex…..at least not the pretty ones.

I had first met SOMF during our icebreaker, and he wasn’t wearing glasses. But then, later that night while I was in my room watching TV, SOMF once again graced me with his presence, this time wearing really thick glasses (like George Papadopolous on Webster). I must have been suffering from the Clarke Kent/Superman syndrome, because I had no idea who this “nerd” was, and why this “nerd” was so intent on me hearing the Cinderella mix tape that he had, for some reason unbeknownst to the author, made. But SOMF did have some redeeming qualities. First, and foremost, SOMF had enough composure to be able to handle hanging out with yours truly for extended periods of time without experiencing nausea, or going insane. Secondly, SOMF had a similar sense of humor as compared to the author. Thirdly, SOMF liked to drink alcohol. These three qualities were the sole reason that SOMF and LOS became friends, and then eventually roommates (not in a gay way).